40 of the Best Returns the Internet Has to Offer

No, you’re definitely not the only one staging shower fights with shampoo bottles as an audience in hopes of preparing the best comeback for every possible situation. Or, perhaps, replaying a feud from years ago, wishing for an even better comeback than you had back then. However, not all of us are gifted with whip-like minds and sugar-coated tongues, and some help beating someone in the battle of words might be needed. But don’t worry, because you’ve come to the right place – a very comprehensive list of handpicked feedbacks that will surely cover every possible topic.

Have you ever heard someone diss your favorite dish? Well, let’s not repeat the mistake of being speechless, but rather pick a spicy comeback or two from this list and keep them in your pocket for later use! Has anyone ever told you they don’t like your shoes? With these quips, there will be nothing left for them to do but keep walking! These examples are just the tip of the iceberg of the wide range of situations in which such feedback could be useful; all you have to do is try to memorize them, and you’ll be ready for anything.

So, without further ado, why not just scroll down and check out these Shakespearian insults that will not only see you win, but your opponent utterly stunned by your clever retort? Be sure to upvote any rough feedback you think might be useful to you, and SHARE this article with your friends!

I have neither the time nor the pencils to explain this to you.

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Somewhere there is a tree that works very hard to produce oxygen so you can breathe. I think you should go out there and apologize.

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I will never forget the first time we met. But I will keep trying.

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I give you back your nose. I found it in my business.

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Your family tree must be a cactus because you’re a bunch of assholes.

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What doesn’t kill you disappoints me.

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Do you remember when I asked your opinion? Me niether.

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The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.

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Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go.

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You are the human version of menstrual cramps.

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You are the reason God created the middle finger.

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You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

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One day you will go far. I hope you will stay there.

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Don’t be ashamed of who you are. It’s your parents’ job.

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I understand everything you said. I choose to ignore you.

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Everyone has the right to act stupid once in a while, but you are really abusing that privilege.

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It’s pretty hilarious to see you trying to fit all your vocabulary into one sentence.

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People like you are the reason I take medicine.

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Good story, but in which chapter are you silent?

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Both sides of your pillow are uncomfortably hot.

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Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all imbeciles.

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I envy people who have never met you.

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I have been called worse by better.

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Light travels faster than sound, which is why you sound bright until you speak.

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Louie Armstrong would never have released “What a Wonderful World” if he had met you.

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The last time I saw something like you…I blushed.

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You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

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You are impossible to underestimate.

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You are not just a drama queen. You are the whole royal family.

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You are like the ends of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but no one wants you.

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You are not stupid! You’re just unlucky when you think.

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The Earth is full. Go home.

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They say our brains don’t stop developing until we hit 25; looks like yours quit a little early.

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If you were an inanimate object, you would be a participation trophy.

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You should come with a warning label.

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Is part 2 of your pitch coming out soon or is that all?

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You look like a “before” photo.

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Hold on. I try to imagine you with personality.

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You bring so much joy to everyone when you leave the room.

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You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

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Note: This post originally contained 143 images. It was shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.

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